THE IMPORTANCE OF COFFEE CLUBS

           Our community would be a rather dull, uninteresting place if it weren’t for the stimulation gained by attending a couple of morning ALL MEN coffee clubs.  Here we discuss – and resolve – most of the problems of both the world and of our town. 

          My wife usually asks me “What did you guys talk about today?”  Most of the time what we talked about was not suitable material for discussion in our home.  But, this morning I was able to tell her that we had given serious thought to a number of important issues.

          First item on the list was a discussion on why covered bridges are covered.  I described the old wooden, covered bridge over the Mississinewa River, in Matthews, Indiana, where I had  been born.  I had no idea why it was covered, and no one in my coffee group had any idea either.

          I looked it up on Google and found that there are hundreds of these wooden bridges, and they were covered to keep the wooden main trusses dry thereby preventing decay and increasing the life of the bridge.  According to tradition, when a young couple was courting, the man was entitled to a kiss from his sweetheart as their wagon or buggy passed across the bridge.  I can’t wait to get this information back to my buddies.

          Our second topic was a general derision of the pathetic superintendent who complained about our university’s invitation to former president Bill Clinton to be the commencement speaker.  We all agreed that this guy must have some deep animosity toward Clinton which he vented against the university.   We actually felt sorry for the guy who must be living a very unhappy life.

          When things slow down a bit, I can usually liven up the discussion by bringing up the fact that there is absolutely no scientific proof that a curve ball actually curves.  It is just an optical illusion.  This usually gets a couple of guys mad.  I try to smooth things down by explaining that it doesn’t really matter.  If a batter thinks that the ball is curving, the effect is the same.

On this particular issue, the vote was 12-1 in support of the ball actually curving.  I don’t really care.  I know I am right.

          We never did get around to one of the hottest topics of the day and that is the deep concern – and controversy -- over the young mothers who are breastfeeding their babies around the city pool.  This kind of controversy is just not the kind of thing that a bunch of guys would even be interested in, let alone try to resolve.  And that’s exactly how I explained it to my wife.

          We finally got around to Afghanistan.  There wasn’t much discussion because we were all pretty well agreed that we wanted our troops home and that we should kick a few Pakistani butts on the way out.

          Yes, morning coffee clubs serve a most useful purpose.  Where else can you let off steam, tell funny stories (jokes), or lie about your great accomplishments?    

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Remembering the Indiana Daily Student

          When I enrolled at IU in early 1946 following three and a half years in the U.S. Navy, I didn’t have a clue concerning a major.  But, a Professor Steigleman signed me up for journalism because I told him that I had enjoyed my experiences on my high school newspaper.

        On the first day of classes  I reported to The Student (housed in that Quonset hut).  I had yet to have my first journalism class. 

            A very stern looking woman took one look at me, motioned me to report to her. (She crooked her finger at me.)  I found out later that she was Marge (Blewitt) Smith, the editor.

          “We aren’t getting enough news about the upcoming Mayor’s race, Foster.  Go down to city hall, interview the mayor, and DON’T COME BACK WITHOUT A STORY!”

              My trepidation about my very first reporting assignment was about equal to my fear of  that female editor.  So, I took off, interviewed the Mayor, wrote the story, got the right-hand lead on the next issue, including a Byline!

          That’s all it took.  I spent the next four years working in every aspect of The IDS.   When I finally became editor, I met, romanced, and married the campus editor, Jean (Buroker) Foster.  We graduated from IU together and celebrated our 62^nd wedding anniversary last January.

WHERE WERE OUR MORALISTS THEN?

          I was 12 years old when I saw my first naked female.  I had just joined the Boy Scouts and was in uniform since Scouts got in free at the LaPorte (Indiana) County Fair.  Among the various carnival acts was a “girlie” tent show.

           “Come inside.  See this lovely lady entirely naked,” the carnival barker shouted.

          So, I, along with a couple of eager fellow scouts,  bought a ticket and watched a woman who looked older than my grandmother take off her clothes.

          It was a big disappointment.  First, I felt guilty.   I was in a Scout uniform and had recently pledged to live an honorable and moral life.  Second, I had spent my entire week’s allowance on a disappointing experience.  Twenty-five cents in those days was a small fortune.

          My question today is “Where were the state legislators who were supposed to protect my morals? "

          We are fortunate today because our Missouri legislators are hard at work passing laws that will regulate the morality of everyone. 

          Now that they have outlawed nudity in the strip clubs, perhaps they can concentrate on improving our schools, roads, and other services to the citizenry.

                                               

                                               

PAST LIFE REGRESSIONS

          This morning’s CBS show Sunday Morning had a segment featuring past life regressions.  This reminded me of some of my own experiences in delving into my past.

          While attending a spiritual expo in Columbus, Ohio, many years ago, a friend who was a psychic, talked me into sitting for a “regression” session.  According to her, I had been a sailor who sailed with Columbus.  I wasn’t on the Nina, Pinta, or the Santa Maria, but was on a fourth ship, named Angelita.  Apparently the Angelita sank and all hands were lost.

          Several years later my “regression” was confirmed by another psychic in upper New York State.  However, she declared that I was actually the captain of the Angelita and that it was my stupid decision to sail my ship too close to the edge and that’s why everyone was lost.

          There is further confirmation that there is such a thing as past life regression.  I used to work for a boss who had definitely been Attila the Hun in his past life.  And, I used to tell my wife that I thought she had once been a member of the Spanish Inquisition.  Wives do ask a lot of questions.

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WHAT WAS THE COPY EDITOR THINKING?

 

  

  

            Kathleen Parker expressed herself well in her column in The Star today.  She explained why she felt sadness rather than joy over the demise of Bin Laden.  Although she did say that it was certainly understandable why he was terminated, she was not inclined to do much celebrating.  Not once did she use the word murder.

            So why was CELEBRATING BIN LADEN’S MURDER displayed on her column?  Does the headline writer equate the killing of a terrorist leader with murder?  If so, that copy editor insults every service man and woman who ever fired a shot at an enemy.  Someone on The Star should explain that in a war (and we are in a war), the object is to kill the enemy.  We don’t call it murder.

MURDER? IS THAT WHAT IT WAS?

          During the early stages of World War II in the South Pacific, there was a huge billboard on a hill overlooking the entrance to a U.S. Navy harbor.  All ships entering the Solomon Islands area sailed past this billboard.  It’s message was simple.  Kill the Yellow Bastards.  Under it was the signature of Admiral Bull Halsey.

          The message did not say “murder.”  It simply said “kill.”  That is what enemies do in a war.  They kill one another. MURDER?  IS THAT WHAT IT WAS?

          In a national press conference I heard Senator Joe Leiberman, chairman of the Senate Subcommittee on Home Security,  tell people to be on alert because we can expect retaliation for the murder of Osama bin Laden.  MURDER?  Does Senator Leiberman not understand that we are in a war against terrorism and that the object is to kill the enemy?

          A dictionary definition of “murder” is to “kill a human being unlawfully and with premeditated malice.”  The killing of Bin Laden was not murder unless you also consider what our armed forces are trained to do during a war as murder.

                                                          

USING REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY

  

            Some years back when I was an avid golfer serving on the Board of Directors of our local Country Club, I ran into a problem that  was resolved by using reverse psychology.  The men’s locker room had a urinal that was three feet from the floor.  While this was great for the six-footers, those of us shorter guys had to use the urinal on our tip-toes.

My frequent requests to get the urinal lowered were met by deaf ears.  So, at the next Board meeting I submitted a proposal to RAISE the urinal to a height of four feet.  Everyone thought I was nuts, but they finally understood my desire to “level the playing field.” .  The Board got my message,  and the urinal was reset to a level suitable for even the little kids.  After all, fair is fair.

Will this reverse psychology work again?  Check out your newer books or any of the news magazines.  Note that the type is getting smaller and smaller.   Furthermore, it is being printed on really thin paper which has a nice glare to it.  As a Senior Citizen, I find it really hard to read.

My idea is this.  Let’s all demand that publishers start printing everything in even smaller type..  This would  “level the playing field” by making things hard to read for everyone.  Publishers should be happy because they can get more words on each page.  After all, fair is fair.