THE IMPORTANCE OF COFFEE CLUBS

           Our community would be a rather dull, uninteresting place if it weren’t for the stimulation gained by attending a couple of morning ALL MEN coffee clubs.  Here we discuss – and resolve – most of the problems of both the world and of our town. 

          My wife usually asks me “What did you guys talk about today?”  Most of the time what we talked about was not suitable material for discussion in our home.  But, this morning I was able to tell her that we had given serious thought to a number of important issues.

          First item on the list was a discussion on why covered bridges are covered.  I described the old wooden, covered bridge over the Mississinewa River, in Matthews, Indiana, where I had  been born.  I had no idea why it was covered, and no one in my coffee group had any idea either.

          I looked it up on Google and found that there are hundreds of these wooden bridges, and they were covered to keep the wooden main trusses dry thereby preventing decay and increasing the life of the bridge.  According to tradition, when a young couple was courting, the man was entitled to a kiss from his sweetheart as their wagon or buggy passed across the bridge.  I can’t wait to get this information back to my buddies.

          Our second topic was a general derision of the pathetic superintendent who complained about our university’s invitation to former president Bill Clinton to be the commencement speaker.  We all agreed that this guy must have some deep animosity toward Clinton which he vented against the university.   We actually felt sorry for the guy who must be living a very unhappy life.

          When things slow down a bit, I can usually liven up the discussion by bringing up the fact that there is absolutely no scientific proof that a curve ball actually curves.  It is just an optical illusion.  This usually gets a couple of guys mad.  I try to smooth things down by explaining that it doesn’t really matter.  If a batter thinks that the ball is curving, the effect is the same.

On this particular issue, the vote was 12-1 in support of the ball actually curving.  I don’t really care.  I know I am right.

          We never did get around to one of the hottest topics of the day and that is the deep concern – and controversy -- over the young mothers who are breastfeeding their babies around the city pool.  This kind of controversy is just not the kind of thing that a bunch of guys would even be interested in, let alone try to resolve.  And that’s exactly how I explained it to my wife.

          We finally got around to Afghanistan.  There wasn’t much discussion because we were all pretty well agreed that we wanted our troops home and that we should kick a few Pakistani butts on the way out.

          Yes, morning coffee clubs serve a most useful purpose.  Where else can you let off steam, tell funny stories (jokes), or lie about your great accomplishments?    

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